fire

i shouldn't have done it but it so fucking good.
she had been asking for it for months, she kept calling me stupid and whispering behind my back because me and mum don't talk. mum gives her all the money and not me. she loves her more than me.
like it is any of her fucking business!
so she touched me one too many, pushed me one too many times. i felt it rise from my stomach like poison, it coursed round my body like fire.
i turned round and slapped her straight across the face, i have never hit anyone and it felt good. she fell against the sofa and her eyes showed the fear and amazment in them for a few seconds until she came at me. she hit me round the back of the head but so much was my anger that i didn't feel it, i didn't even flinch i just laughed at her. all the anger i had inflicted on myself i finally let go.
the fear in her eyes made me stronger, i was the one with the power. i held her by her throat and pushed her aginst the wall. told her to never fucking touch me again, looked at her standing there almost crying and shaking and i laughed.
i feel so sick, this is not me. i never hit and i never get angry.
she laughed at my arms and told me to try harder next time, try harder, i didn't get it right. told me that i didn't get all the way. so i grabbed her neck again and threw her. she tried to hit me but i caught her arm and pushed her back again. everytime she tried to get at me i just grabbed her and threw her.
i stood and stared at her, she tried to stare back but i had so much hate in my eyes she couldn't.
i went and showered all the anger away, i cried and was sick and i tried to wash away all the pain and anger and fire.
i have finger nail marks on my arm, the pain that came from them made me stronger, the more she hurt me the stronger i got.