this is an email i sent to my mum. it is the symbol of something rotten finally ending.
do you feel this need to drive people away?
do you really think you and steve are going to be together forever?
your already half the person you used to be, you are overweight and the rosy in your cheeks had gone. you have given up life for starch.
are you actually happy?
or is it just that if you face the truth you won't be able to handle it?
i might not be happiest at the moment but i have a whole life ahead of me. what do you have? truly?
you say we left you, but you left us.
so when you are all alone and can't even bear to look in the mirror remember that you lost out. you ran when everyone else stayed.
remember what you gave up.
but don't bother to try to get anywhere near me or hannah again because you aren't anything to us anymore except a bad memory that in time will fade.
you will probably delete this and never even read it but i don't care.
i used to care what you thought, but you can't reach me anymore, you can't feed off the misery of others.
i didn't leave, i don't need to feel guilty. it's you that left, you that has nothing.
from this point on i have no mother, and i am glad. because the thing i was most terrfied about was ending up like you.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
why is the shit only happens to some people?
i don't know if i believe in bad luck but it seems to get me whether i do or not.
i haven't written on here in ages so a lot is missing but i can't be bothered to do a complete catch up right now. not that it is important, i am the only one who reads it.
i moved into my mum's house in the summer holidays after me and dad had a massive argument, the whole house had been getting lower and lower in this downward spiral and no one seemed to be able to change anything.
so i did the cowardly thing and ran away.
now here is the lucky part of it, dad had taken my phone so i had to walk to my girlfriends to tell her what was going on. i was going to sleep in the park but her and her mum dragged me in and said there was no way that was going to happen.
so i guess that taking my phone was kind of a good thing, because i might have been raped in that park, or i could have been absolutely fine but who knows.
so, after that one night i went to mum's. i didn't really want to be there because i hate her and i hate her tosser of a boyfriend.
i was there for about 2 months but i started to get realy ill, a kidney infection, stomach problems, listlessness. not really bad but put them all together and dad took me for a blood test.
i hadn't really spoken to him in a month and a half. i was missing him so badly that whenever i spoke to him i cried after i put the phone down.
i was only at my mum's because it was closer to my girlfriend, and i thought that she was all i needed. i spent nearly all my time there, sleeping over all weekend and most school evenings i spent there aswell.
but now i don't suppose any of that is going to happen now, one because i am further away, but i can bike it. the biggests problems are that her dad is having students there. 3 students. so som, her brother, her dad and her mum will be in the same room while the 3 students have the other two rooms.
i really don't see why because he is doing it to get money to buy a bigger house but there is house is big enough for them all if it didn't have any students in!
but the other reason is that, yesterday i made people breakfast and cooked lunch and did all the washing up and i help pak and som with their homework. which means i don't get to much for myself in the way of school work.
som said i was a good housewife type. and while i was in the middle of my lunch kept asking me to get up and do things because she was reading the newspaper!
i am 15, that is not my life! i don't need to be a 30 year old yet!
but i tried really hard, i did everything they both asked [even though i am ill] and so i was completely knackered by the end of the day. [i might have anaemia]
and when i left a coke can on the table her dad was really stressed at me and she was being all ott about it. like i had been really messy and everything and i tried so hard. how many people cook in other peoples homes?!
and i had a lie in this weekend and then her dad was stressed all weekend about her and me not getting up. and i can't!
he hit her brother with the broom so that pak cried. i just don't understand why there is no freedom and no lee way there. it is all to his liking and no one else can change that.
i don't, and can't, live like that!
i haven't written on here in ages so a lot is missing but i can't be bothered to do a complete catch up right now. not that it is important, i am the only one who reads it.
i moved into my mum's house in the summer holidays after me and dad had a massive argument, the whole house had been getting lower and lower in this downward spiral and no one seemed to be able to change anything.
so i did the cowardly thing and ran away.
now here is the lucky part of it, dad had taken my phone so i had to walk to my girlfriends to tell her what was going on. i was going to sleep in the park but her and her mum dragged me in and said there was no way that was going to happen.
so i guess that taking my phone was kind of a good thing, because i might have been raped in that park, or i could have been absolutely fine but who knows.
so, after that one night i went to mum's. i didn't really want to be there because i hate her and i hate her tosser of a boyfriend.
i was there for about 2 months but i started to get realy ill, a kidney infection, stomach problems, listlessness. not really bad but put them all together and dad took me for a blood test.
i hadn't really spoken to him in a month and a half. i was missing him so badly that whenever i spoke to him i cried after i put the phone down.
i was only at my mum's because it was closer to my girlfriend, and i thought that she was all i needed. i spent nearly all my time there, sleeping over all weekend and most school evenings i spent there aswell.
but now i don't suppose any of that is going to happen now, one because i am further away, but i can bike it. the biggests problems are that her dad is having students there. 3 students. so som, her brother, her dad and her mum will be in the same room while the 3 students have the other two rooms.
i really don't see why because he is doing it to get money to buy a bigger house but there is house is big enough for them all if it didn't have any students in!
but the other reason is that, yesterday i made people breakfast and cooked lunch and did all the washing up and i help pak and som with their homework. which means i don't get to much for myself in the way of school work.
som said i was a good housewife type. and while i was in the middle of my lunch kept asking me to get up and do things because she was reading the newspaper!
i am 15, that is not my life! i don't need to be a 30 year old yet!
but i tried really hard, i did everything they both asked [even though i am ill] and so i was completely knackered by the end of the day. [i might have anaemia]
and when i left a coke can on the table her dad was really stressed at me and she was being all ott about it. like i had been really messy and everything and i tried so hard. how many people cook in other peoples homes?!
and i had a lie in this weekend and then her dad was stressed all weekend about her and me not getting up. and i can't!
he hit her brother with the broom so that pak cried. i just don't understand why there is no freedom and no lee way there. it is all to his liking and no one else can change that.
i don't, and can't, live like that!
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