this is me, not my best picture but never mind
Sunday, April 30, 2006
beach time
i went to the beach today, i know that isn't really the trip of the year but i love the beach. it is so calm this time of year, before all the tourists come. just standing on the cliffs over looking the water line, what could be more calming???
if i had a boyfriend and he asked where do you wanna go i would probably think about taking the bus to the beach, the two of us could lay on a blanket, propped up on our elbows and talk about nothing and everything. i love imagining things like that. romantic in a strange way. i would prefer to spend time with my boy friend alone watching a film or going to the beach or a field somewhere and just chilling.
don't get me wrong, when someone turns the music up and it's dance music i can dance all night. i could dance fo hours, i absolutely love dancing. but sometimes its lovely to just chill and talk! boys hardly ever talk they wanna go and spend money. i don't really clothes shop or shoes shop that much at all. obviously i don't wear anything, i have lovely clothes, but i don't buy a new shirt every other day. whats the point? you could spend your money on something much more useful than the same shirt in every colour, couldn't you?
if i had a boyfriend and he asked where do you wanna go i would probably think about taking the bus to the beach, the two of us could lay on a blanket, propped up on our elbows and talk about nothing and everything. i love imagining things like that. romantic in a strange way. i would prefer to spend time with my boy friend alone watching a film or going to the beach or a field somewhere and just chilling.
don't get me wrong, when someone turns the music up and it's dance music i can dance all night. i could dance fo hours, i absolutely love dancing. but sometimes its lovely to just chill and talk! boys hardly ever talk they wanna go and spend money. i don't really clothes shop or shoes shop that much at all. obviously i don't wear anything, i have lovely clothes, but i don't buy a new shirt every other day. whats the point? you could spend your money on something much more useful than the same shirt in every colour, couldn't you?
Saturday, April 29, 2006
hiding
for the past 14 years i have been hiding from the harshness of society, with people judging others for stupid reaons.
but i had a revelation; they aren't that bad, they really don't care what i am doing. so i am now going to do what makes me happy, because living behind a mask isn't exactly good for you is it?!! i went to councelling for a while because i was upset about how i was living. only the school councellor. it was really good for me and i recommend people to have someone who knows what they doing if your a little stuck in life. it makes you feel good and wrth it again. i felt great and am slowly changing my life because, mostly anyway, i am the one that is in control of it. your life isn't for other people; it is for you so if you live it for only others, never yourself there isn't much point
LIFE IS LIKE A PATH OF SNOW, WHERE EVER YOU TREAD IT SHOWS.
which basically means, be careful what you do with your life and make it worth while, something to be proud of.
but i had a revelation; they aren't that bad, they really don't care what i am doing. so i am now going to do what makes me happy, because living behind a mask isn't exactly good for you is it?!! i went to councelling for a while because i was upset about how i was living. only the school councellor. it was really good for me and i recommend people to have someone who knows what they doing if your a little stuck in life. it makes you feel good and wrth it again. i felt great and am slowly changing my life because, mostly anyway, i am the one that is in control of it. your life isn't for other people; it is for you so if you live it for only others, never yourself there isn't much point
LIFE IS LIKE A PATH OF SNOW, WHERE EVER YOU TREAD IT SHOWS.
which basically means, be careful what you do with your life and make it worth while, something to be proud of.
my sis threw tantrum
my sister threw a tantrum (yh at her age) just because mum wouldn't give her forty quid for some skates that she will never use.
i got some ventro turbo the other week and now she wants some, the difference is me and my mates actually go skating, she won't.
she annoys the hell out me. why can't she respect mum a little bit. it isn't like mum doesn't ever give her anything. she bought her dance shoes for £50 which she never used, only to sell.
which is what will happen to her skates i just know it.
whatever i have she needs, not wants, needs. she goes to concerts without me and i give her my stuff but that isn't enough. i even tidy her pig sty (i mean room) for her and she never says thanks. i don't know why i bother. maybe it is because i have to live with her for a couple of years yet and i wanna sort of stay in her good books.
i got some ventro turbo the other week and now she wants some, the difference is me and my mates actually go skating, she won't.
she annoys the hell out me. why can't she respect mum a little bit. it isn't like mum doesn't ever give her anything. she bought her dance shoes for £50 which she never used, only to sell.
which is what will happen to her skates i just know it.
whatever i have she needs, not wants, needs. she goes to concerts without me and i give her my stuff but that isn't enough. i even tidy her pig sty (i mean room) for her and she never says thanks. i don't know why i bother. maybe it is because i have to live with her for a couple of years yet and i wanna sort of stay in her good books.
chillin'
my mum and my sis and my dad are all out so i got the house to myself, which is how i like it. music and me.
i have been thinking about how to make my life better.
i am a very anxious person, so i don't normally do a whole lot of things, in case people think i am being stupid, but i am changing that appearence as of now.
me and my mates are all going to have a picnic in the middle of a busy roundabout, i can't wait. also when it gets warm enough we are all going to the beach, hold hands and run off the end of the pier into the sea. all i cna say is make sure it is deep enough.
i have been thinking about how to make my life better.
i am a very anxious person, so i don't normally do a whole lot of things, in case people think i am being stupid, but i am changing that appearence as of now.
me and my mates are all going to have a picnic in the middle of a busy roundabout, i can't wait. also when it gets warm enough we are all going to the beach, hold hands and run off the end of the pier into the sea. all i cna say is make sure it is deep enough.
lying again
i was looking out my window last night coz i couldn't sleep and i realised that i have been living a lie for weeks. whenever me and my mate is out they ask do i mind being single?
i always reply no, of course not. but i realised that i do mind.
my family is a bit messed up, my parents are on the verge of splitting, my lil sister is always screaming and shouting and throwing things, she is 12 but you would have classed her with a mental capacity of around 3.
anyway back to the subject, with all that going on my house isn't really the most loving in the world.
i know i am 14 but is it wrong to want someone special to hold you, even if it is just on the sofa watching a film. it is nice to be noticed.
my mum doesn't even acknowledge i am here most of the time. she is a childminder so as soon as i get into my house i have to help with the minded children. they scream and hang off you, i have sats this year and it is a little beyond impossible to study with 2 and 3 year olds hanging off your legs.
going into my house is like working, not like being at home. i wish i had my own space.
i always reply no, of course not. but i realised that i do mind.
my family is a bit messed up, my parents are on the verge of splitting, my lil sister is always screaming and shouting and throwing things, she is 12 but you would have classed her with a mental capacity of around 3.
anyway back to the subject, with all that going on my house isn't really the most loving in the world.
i know i am 14 but is it wrong to want someone special to hold you, even if it is just on the sofa watching a film. it is nice to be noticed.
my mum doesn't even acknowledge i am here most of the time. she is a childminder so as soon as i get into my house i have to help with the minded children. they scream and hang off you, i have sats this year and it is a little beyond impossible to study with 2 and 3 year olds hanging off your legs.
going into my house is like working, not like being at home. i wish i had my own space.
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