why me?

i have been off school for tuesday and wednesday and i am probably going to stay off the rest of the week aswell.
i just woke up tuesday and thought, i can't do this anymore, i am sick of pretending i am ok and none of this is effecting me.'
i am not sleeping very well, i mean, i am asleep for 7- 8 hours but i don't wake up recharged or refrsehed at all.
there are some army soldiers that can survive on an hour of sleep. the brain is capable of recharging itself in 30 minutes, if it has the right sleep. it is a psychological thing. i am so stressed i can not switch off completely.
i have spent the last two days tidying the house from top to bottom, i have done a ridiculous amount of stuff. but i don't mind i actually found it quite calming.
loud music, check
me singing out of tune and at top volume, check
house spangly, check
it was like getting out of my usual routine and having a break. seeing the house clean after all the chaos that has been our lives for the last two months was like a breath of fresh air.
i realised why i have taken on this role of house keeper, my mum has gone so i am the only 'woman of the house' person. for most of my life i have had to act that little bit older than i should be.
when i was about 6, mum and dad were having one of their worst ever arguments, they were downstairs throwing eachother against the wall. things were smashing and breaking and they were screaming.
i really wanted protecting and i really wanted to cry but i knew i couldn't, because i had my little sister in my arms, so when i should have been acting like the child i was i had to grow up and take care of someone else.
when they were arguing i normally had to step in and calm them down and stop them.
when i was 8 instead of being a kid i was looking after other peoples kids. after school would come home only to have to do another job until 6.30. so my day started at 6.30am and ended at 6.30pm. then i would have to do my chores, so it is now 7.00pm. so me time for shower, wind down time etc is about an hour and half.
so holidays are i couldn't go out or have people round cause of the kids.
now i have a different type of responsibilty,, looking after kids wasn't enough i now have the responsibility of the house.
sometimes i just wish i was a kid again, i wanna be carefree and play all day. something i didn't have all that much of.