life

i can't get out of my head how jealous and angry i felt, i know she said it proves that i love her. Jealous and angry, not exactly nice is it though. it means i am bad person. i haven't spoken to her in four days, i heard her voice for the first time in about 100 hours! (i think i can't count, saturday + sunday +monday + tuesday + 1/4 wednesday anyways)
when i heard her voice on the phone i was surprised how calm my voice sounded, i was so happy it was unbelievable. i was all tingly and i had a butterfly tummy. i wish i was with her right now.
am i brave person? am i a strong person? (emotional way) i see people round me and they are all so confident and strong. then theres me, i'm all over the place, i have been nearly all my life. one minute i'll be fine, then that evening i will cry myself to sleep. i don't get whats wrong with me.
parents splitting up is normal. i shouldn't feel so upset and angry at night. should i!
i just wish there was someone to protect me, someone to hold me and say everything is going to be ok and i will survive my past. i keep remembering it, i keep looking back. i wish i didn't but i can't help it.
no one can know what its like living with a mentally ill person, especially someone who had the choice to get better and didn't. someone who when you told them your problems and tried to help threw things at you or laughed in your face. i can't explain the feeling, i just would never wish it on anyone.
my friends will eventually get bored of me and leave, it has already started. i don't have any talents, i'm not exactly a great friend, i don't have anything no one else does. what will happen when everyone sees that. i know they will.