feel weird

today has been so strange. i have felt weird all day. like everything around me is fake, it's waiting for me to let myself love and feel then it's going to tear itself away and hurt me. it's not the people, i know it's not, i know they love me. but i just feel as if everything is slipping away. i am desperately hanging on.
my mum moved out today. she has been ignoring me for weeks, being horrible to my sister and ignoring everyones feelings except her own. she said to dad that as long as she hurt him if me and hannah (my sister) get hurt it doesn't matter. she doesn't care.
she said that if it was a choice between her new life and us lot she would choose her new life. i don't love her at all. i feel so bad and hatred of myself inside because i know i should love her.
there is nothing though. why should there be? she put me into councelling!
i just feel so insecure, everything around me has changed in the space of a month. my life, my family, my friends, my love.
the thing i am so glad about is my girl friend though, she is irreplaceable and i will never leave her. she is what holds me together and has taught me to love and trust again.