mixed up

i am feeling mixed up. i don't know what to do. i can't live like this any more. at school i am a really smily person, i love seeing all my mates and living the day, but at home i change.
my mum had problems as a kid, so she never got sorted, she passed those anxieties onto me. i was a really quiet, withdrawn, stressed person. i got stressed until the point of not being able to breathe properly. i went to a councellor for a year and it really helped. she helped me realise that these aren't my problems, and not to blame my mum because it isn't her fault either.
i used to self harm, not eat, eat too much, yell, scream. i never cried though. hayley, my councellor told me that to lock out the pain you must lock all emotions out. you can't choose between emotions, you either feel them all or ignore them all.
so i became a better person, my healing began. i still had the problem that i didn't tell hayley. in me i had a person, everytime i felt pain or hurt the person would take over my feelings and it was like i was watching what was going on around me, i couldn't feel the hurt. it's like the voice in the back of your head. but it's more pronounced. but it feels like you are being suffocated sometimes, like you can't breathe. it hurts like hell.
i tried to tell my mum but she didn't listen, so i left it alone, let it eat me. when i changed my life style it went away. i don't make eye contact with people, i don't give hugs that much. i find it hard to commit because i feel there is always something wrong with me. i wish sometimes i wasn't around.