Sunday, October 01, 2006

just fuck off

everyone time i look at my mum i thousand emotions run through me. i want to love her but i can't, she has hurt me too much. last year she told me, promised me she wouldn't leave, promised me she would change but she drove all the way to fucking Scotland and took all the money from the bank. she wouldn't talk to me. i texted and phoned but nothing she turned her fucking phone off.
she went to her friends house, it was massive and had everything. she's really rich. i asked mum if she could everything she wanted or me would she leave? she should have no but she didn't, she changed the subject. i know she doesn't love me. she buys me things but that's not love. if she could have the new massive house and the money she would leave i know it.
no one can understand how that feels to see my own mum and know she doesn't love me and i don't love her. i hate being in this house it hurts so much. i want to scream and smash everything because it is always so quiet. everyone is talking but no one is actually saying anything useful, it is all a mask and a cover.
i want to move away, runaway. i tried but somehow i always get dragged back, i can never quite make it.

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