there is something wrong with me. i don't know why really but i can't let people love me, most days i am fine. some days i just can't see why they would like me and they must just be saying words and not meaning them, so when i am like that i say stupid things i don't mean, i upset people that i really care about. it is just my past relationships aren't much to go on, my family's relationships are something that is beyond help. some people want to see their parents all the time, but it is overrated. it isn't all that great i think. my mum is always looking for faults, i haven't got enough make up on, my hair looks horrible. so i am not used to people saying i'm beautiful so when they do say it, the words don't seem to get into my head.
thats why when my girlfriend asked me what present did i want i couldn't think of anything. i don't want something material, material things get broken or lost. the best present i could possibly ask for is just for love. i know she thinks that she gives it everyday, she does, but it means the absolute world to me.
i don't have a close relationship with many people, so when i see her and i realise how much we love eachother i just feel amazing. i don't know how to explain it. but a hug from her is just so amazing.
i just wish i didn't say stupid things, it isn't other people, it's me with the problem. they should just ignore me and not take it seriously because it's not true, what i say. i just get so angry that i can't explain how i feel so much of the time.
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