control it!!

i don't know whats happening to me.
i keep getting angry for no reason. i just don't get angry. i can control it. i almost hit my sister, i managed to stop myself.
she called me stupid for cutting my arms, she rolled her eyes and laughed at me, but not a fun laugh, a degrading laugh, meant to hurt. it reminded me of mum, laughing at my pain.
i looked after hannah when she was small, but i can't anymore. i can't look after her. she won't listen to anyone, she just keeps getting herself hurt, she is so fucking stubborn.
she doesn't understand what mum did to me. she can't.
i cut my arms because i hate arguing, thats why the first time this week. she was being so spiteful, she takes all her anger out on me. i can't handle it. i should really. i just want her to stop being stubborn, and to stop herself getting hurt.
some of the things she said realli hurt and i don't know whether she meant to do it.
no one understands what mum realli did to me.
when dad told her about my arms, she said it wasn't her responsibilty and she didn't care.
my head is all over the place, i can't write just now.
i wish when i was small someone had held me close, told me it was ok. i did that for them, they never realised what i felt, i never told them.